Always & Forever Read online

  Lilly blinked back her tears and sighed. “So, what’s our plan?”

  “First, we are going to have our picnic, then we will look at flowers on our way to the amphitheater. Nothing’s changed.” He nodded at the waiter, who opened a basket and took out their lunch.

  Lilly tried to push the letter out of her mind, tried to forget about Charles. She didn’t want to disappoint Zach, and he had gone to a lot more trouble to impress her than any other man had ever done. She would enjoy this date, no matter what.

  ***

  Lilly glanced at the people walking around the garden as they explored, imaging she spotted Charles everywhere. She knew Zach sensed her tension, but he was determined she discover which rose was her favorite. He ignored the possibility of Charles being around them, simply refusing to talk about it.

  If she didn’t know how sadistic Charles could be, she wouldn’t be nearly so frightened either. But Zach had put a lot of effort into impressing her, and she was enjoying their date. She tried her best to hide her fear from him.

  In the end, she couldn’t choose one favorite flower. The large-petal Angel Face with its purple hue and inviting fragrance quickly won the title of favorite. Later, she noted the petite Everblooming with its pink center and white outer petals.

  She crouched next to an exquisite rose bush, concentrating on the beauty of it. “Wait, Zach. This is the one.”

  The flower had a peach center and white petals tipped with pink. She breathed in its intoxicating scent and read the little placard. How appropriate. She looked up at Zach and smiled. “Here is exactly what we need. Peace.”

  Zach lifted her off the ground and twirled her around. He kissed her passionately before setting her down. “Peace it shall be, baby.”

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Saturday arrived before she knew it, and it was time to drive home. The fear of Charles harming them somehow was much less in the hotel, and Lilly enjoyed herself for the remainder of their time in Portland.

  She sat next to Zach on the car ride to Serenity, tired, but content. He had claimed her hand in his about thirty miles back. Neither spoke, but sat together in comfortable silence. She rubbed her thumb softly across his, regretting the end of their stolen holiday. Twenty more minutes and they would be in Serenity, back to reality.

  She tried not to think about the little bulge of the stun gun in her purse. She didn’t even know if she would be able to use it against someone if she ever had reason to.

  The thing that scared her most about the weapon was how frightened Zach must really feel to get it for her. Throughout their date and the following day spent in the hotel room, he had brushed things aside, as if they had no cares in the world. But the stun gun was silent testimony that he feared Charles as much as she did.

  “I really loved visiting the rose garden,” she said, breaking the silence in an effort to get her mind off the gun.

  “You’ve mentioned that a few times.” Zach’s white teeth flashed. “Now I know what to buy you when I get myself into trouble.”

  “Planning on that, are you?” she asked and grinned.

  Zach laughed. “Not intentionally. It just seems to happen.”

  Lilly closed her eyes and settled back against the seat. She wished they didn’t have to go home. She didn’t want this easy companionship to end.

  “What about the restaurant? Would you like to go somewhere like that again?” he asked. “There are some great places up near my apartment in Seattle. We’ll have to try them out some day.”

  Lilly’s eyes popped open and she stared at his profile for a few seconds. He seemed to be promising a future to her, but was he? Was this just a fling for him until January, or did he mean the wonderful things he said? A piece of her heart refused to forget how he had offered to pay her. And yet, she longed for more time with him.

  Face it, Lilly. You’re in love.

  Zach squeezed her hand. “You still over there? What do you think?”

  “The restaurant was perfect, Zach. The music and the dancing—it was all perfect.” Her mouth dried out. “It was the best day I’ve ever had.”

  Out of the corner of her eye, she saw him nod. He released her hand and stroked her leg. His fingers inched closer to her inner thigh with every pass. Lilly spread her legs slightly and bit back a moan as she moistened with desire.

  “It was my second-best day ever,” he said, as his fingers strummed her most intimate place.

  Second best?

  Lilly pushed his hand away, stopping the intimate motion. What did he mean by that? She didn’t know how to respond. Lilly blinked back tears, not wanting Zach to know his words upset her.

  Zach’s words brought to mind the first time she had sex with Charles and the conversation they had afterward.

  “Was it okay?” she asked. She’d do anything to please Charles. They’d waited so long to make love, and tonight she planned to ask him to move in with her.

  Charles leaned back, lighting up a cigarette. “It was fine. Don’t worry about it.”

  Disappointment roiled through her. She hadn’t reached the heights of pleasure her friends had boasted about when discussing sex, but she’d thought that was because it was her first time. Maybe she did something wrong.

  “What can I do to make things more exciting?” She leaned against him, kissing his neck. “I’ll try harder.”

  Charles blew out a breath of smoke, gagging her. He pushed her away from him. “Some women aren’t good at this kind of thing, Kat. There’s a hooker in Queens I know. She’s amazing with her tongue. Face it, you’ll always be second best.”

  Lilly shook her head, trying to push away the memory. Perhaps she should have realized then what Charles was. Instead, she so pathetically wanted to make him happy, she’d bent over backwards to hear a word of praise from him. She wiped a tear away, hoping Zach hadn’t seen.

  The tense silence dragged out. Zach’s eyes shifted between her face and the road. “I think I worded things wrong.”

  She stared out the passenger window and shook her head. “It’s fine.”

  “What do you think I’m talking about? My best day ever was yesterday.”

  Lilly whipped her head back around to face him. “Yesterday?”

  “Of course. I don’t know if I’ll ever recover from the things you did to me in that bedroom.” He arched an eyebrow at her. “Or the bathroom.” He looked back out the front windshield. “I can’t even think about what you did to me on that oak dining table without getting hot.”

  Heat rushed to her cheeks.

  “And then, of course, there was the day I met you.” He caressed her hair with gentle fingers. “Thanks for my best days, baby.”

  She grabbed his hand and forced herself to relax. Lilly didn’t know whether he meant that, but at least he’d made the effort to say the right thing. It was more than Charles had ever done.

  ***

  Zach pulled into his parents’ driveway and parked the car. He’d almost ruined things back there. Damn. Lilly really thought he was going to tell her he’d had a better time with another woman. What kind of man did she think he was?

  He thought about that as he opened the door for her. Zach knew what kind of man he was—thoughtless. Charles would have told her about a woman he found superior, to intentionally cause pain, and Lilly had no other experiences to judge men by.

  “Baby, I’m sorry for what I said.” Zach caught her in his arms and held her tight. “I was trying to be witty, and it fell flat.”

  She looked into his eyes and smiled, though sadness remained in her gaze. “I’m sorry, too. I overreacted. Sometimes I get to thinking, after Charles, no one would ever want—”

  “Hush. Don’t think that. I want you.” He brushed his lips against hers. He needed reassurance that she truly forgave him; needed to banish the pain he caused her. Lilly’s response was immediate. She moaned urgently and pressed in to him. Her hands ran down his back.

  Her flowery perfume lingered between them. He ru
bbed his hand along her side. He wished they had enough time to go to his house, so he could make up with her properly.

  “Wait, stop.” She pushed his hand away before it reached her breast. “What if someone’s watching us through the window?”

  Zach knew she was right. He released her and reached into the car. After plucking her cane off the rear seat, he pulled it out through her door.

  “Thanks.” She accepted the stick from him and grasped it in her right hand. “I love this so much. It’s the best gift ever.”

  Her words filled him with pleasure. Even though he and Lilly often had problems communicating, this gift turned out right. She had used the cane every step since he’d given it to her.

  Zach patted the little box he’d slipped into his pocket this morning, assuring himself it was still there. He hoped it would earn him more admiration from Lilly. Zach grabbed the outfits they would wear at the party out of the car.

  “What do you want to tell your family about my past?” Lilly asked.

  “Well, we need to tell them, but maybe we should wait for another time. Today is about Tommy and Bridget.”

  Lilly nodded. “I won’t mind putting it off another day. Your dad seems pretty laid back, but I’m sure your mom won’t be happy about this.”

  Zach shrugged and kissed her cheek. “She promised me she’d give you a chance. She’ll be fine when she realizes how much you mean to me.”

  Lilly’s eyes narrowed, and she looked at him for a long time. Zach wished he could read her mind, as he had no idea what he’d said wrong.

  “If only things could be that easy,” she finally whispered.

  Zach shook his head, unsure what to say to reassure her. He knew Lilly didn’t believe he would stay with her no matter what Mother thought, but given time, she’d understand how much he cared about her.

  “We’d better hurry and get in there,” he said. “I bet Mom’s anxious because we’re late.”

  Lilly nodded her agreement and started up the walkway. There would be time to talk about things later. Lilly would understand his family once she knew them better. When things were tough, they stuck together. Mother promised to accept Lilly. Everything would be fine.

  ***

  “So,” Lilly said as she placed the last layer of cheese over the lasagna. “That’s all there is to it.”

  Patricia copied Lilly’s movements and placed the last ingredients on the pan she put together. “No one ever suggested cooking could be this easy. Thank you, Lilly.”

  Lilly looked at Patricia, startled once again. Zach told her Patricia wanted to call a truce, but Lilly hadn’t entirely believed him. Patricia really did seem to be trying.

  “Are you sure the vegetarian one only needs to cook thirty minutes?” Patricia asked.

  Lilly tried not to grimace. Perhaps this tentative truce would take more time. “Don’t worry. I know what I’m doing.”

  “Of course you do. I’m sorry for asking.”

  She’s sorry? Wow!

  “It’s time to get into our party gear.” Patricia said, glancing at the clock. “My guests will arrive soon.”

  Lilly nodded and slid both pans of meat lasagna into the oven. “I need to find Zach. I don’t know where he put my dress.”

  “The men are probably out in the library, sipping brandy and arguing about boats,” Patricia said. “Go through the dining room to the connecting door. You’ll hear them.”

  “Thanks.” Lilly smiled at her, bemused by Patricia’s uncharacteristic kindness.

  Lilly grabbed her cane and headed in the indicated direction. Even though Zach’s words had hurt her in the car, she knew he hadn’t meant them the way she took them. She felt the separation from him and couldn’t wait to be with him again. Patricia laid claim to her as soon as they walked into the house. Lilly suffered hours of interrogation about her past life as they cooked. She answered as honestly as she could, but stuck to her Minnesota story.

  She felt horrible for lying. Eventually Zach’s family would learn the truth. However, Zach was right. It was Tommy’s day. It wouldn’t be fair to tell them now.

  Masculine laughter came from a doorway and Lilly veered toward it. She peeked at the three men sitting in the room and tapped on the doorframe. “Is this a boy’s only club, or are girls allowed?”

  Zach looked up. The undisguised lust in his expression set her pulse on a mad gallop. “Come on in, baby.” He jumped up from his chair and hurried to her. “How’d things go with Mother?”

  “Great,” she said. “The food’s in the oven and the kitchen’s still standing.”

  “Guess it’s time to go put on our fine feathers,” Zach’s father said as he stood up and stretched. “It’s been good visiting, boys. Next summer, everyone has to get to the lake sooner.”

  “Course we will, Dad,” Tommy said. “If you’ll all excuse me, I need to hurry. My bride will be here soon.”

  Lilly found the smile spreading across his face endearing.

  “You’re really happy with Bridget, aren’t you, Tommy?” she asked.

  He nodded. “She’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

  “It shows.”

  Tommy leaned down and kissed Lilly’s cheek. “Don’t you worry about tonight, Lil. We’ve got your back. If anyone has a problem with your old identity, we’re here for you.” He winked and passed through the door.

  Lilly grew cold. Zach told them? After telling her they shouldn’t?

  James patted her shoulder on his way past. “And if that stalker messes with you, we’ll all protect you. I’ll talk to Patricia and tell her what’s going on.”

  James and Tommy left, and Lilly rounded on Zach. “How could you?”

  Zach held up his hands. “It sort of slipped out. I’m sorry. They knew something had happened between us. Then, the story about the stalker came out, and I ended up telling them everything.”

  Lilly swallowed hard and took a deep breath. “I spent the last several hours feeding your mom a line of bull about my life, as per our agreement. Don’t you think I should know if you’re disclosing my secrets?”

  He ran his hand through his hair. “I know, I know. I’m sorry. Dad’s going to make it right with her. She’ll understand. Don’t worry.”

  “Don’t worry? Zach, your mother already hates me.” She bit her lip. She couldn’t let her anger take control right now. “Never mind. Let’s get dressed.”

  “Our clothes are upstairs.” He held out his arm, and Lilly reluctantly accepted it. “Dad’s going to talk to Mother. Please don’t worry. With something this important, she’ll trust my judgment. Besides, Dad’s crazy about you.”

  Lilly pressed her eyes tightly together for a moment and prayed for patience. It would have been nice for him to tell her before he exposed her, but neither one of them could undo it. At least James and Tommy seemed supportive, and Sarah already knew. Lilly never expected Patricia to be her best friend anyway.

  She sighed as she walked alongside Zach. “I guess it doesn’t matter. Tommy will tell Bridget she was right, huh? Pretty soon everyone will know who I am. Good thing your grandma still wants me to work for her, because I won’t be able to find a job anywhere else.”

  “Lilly, you don’t have to worry about that stuff anymore. You’re with me now.”

  “We slept together, Zach, we aren’t married. Unless you’re proposing, I still have bills to pay.” She stifled painful gasps as they ascended the staircase. “I worry every day whether I’ll be able to pay my rent. I’m glad your life’s not that way, but this is my reality now.”

  They reached the top landing, and she took a minute to catch her breath. Lilly blinked back tears born of equal parts pain and anger.

  Zach didn’t respond, although his face reddened and his breathing sounded as labored as Lilly’s. He walked down the hallway and opened a door, revealing a large bedroom.

  The bag holding Lilly’s dress lay on the bed next to Zach’s suit. She walked toward it, breathing deeply in an
effort to reign in her frustration.

  Zach shut the door and joined her near the bed. “Maybe to you what we shared was just sex,” he said softly. “But I think I’ve proven you can trust me now. I don’t know what else to do that could prove it.” He stared at the floor. “I didn’t sell you out, damn it. I told my brother and my father, people I trust. How can you be angry?”

  “Trust?” Lilly whirled to face him. “I trusted you when you said we shouldn’t say anything.” She clenched her fists tightly. “If you trust them, why stay married to a woman you hated for five years? Why let them think you were happy? Yeah, Zach, you trust them a lot.”

  He looked up and it stunned Lilly to see tears on his face.

  “You’re right, Lilly. I’m a horrible person who’s trying to ruin your life.” He tossed a small box onto the bed. “I wanted to bring you up here and make love to you before I gave you these. I don’t know what I was thinking.”

  He grabbed the bag holding his suit and headed for the door. “I’ll see you downstairs. Please don’t upset my family by leaving right now. I’ll take you home as soon as the party’s over.”

  A spasm of pain and guilt clenched her chest. “Zach, wait. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”

  He opened the door and walked through it without looking back.

  Lilly tumbled down onto the bed. Sobs wracked her body. It seemed like she spent most of her time around Zach either scared or angry. How could she even hope for a future with a relationship like that?

  The honest part of her acknowledged the truth. It wouldn’t matter who she was with, Charles destroyed the joy and ability to blindly love she once had. She couldn’t let her guard down, even with someone as sweet as Zach.

  Zach made a mistake, and it was a big one, but did that mean she shouldn’t try with him anymore? Perhaps subconsciously, she wanted Zach to prove he wasn’t anything like Charles before she could truly love him. Force him into a position where he would either hit her or leave. Time after time, Zach had proven he wouldn’t hit her. This time, he left.